We recently asked our @CaddieNetwork Twitter followers to share with us the funniest lines or jokes theyve ever heard on the golf course. The 20 best one-liners ever. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. He keeps trying to convince me hes a compulsive liar, but I dont believe him. Funny one-liners 1. Reply 9 69ingJamesFranco • 9 yr. One liners are great. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, its the whole sentence. But all mine ever says is goodbye. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. One liner tags: puns, sport 85. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. ]” [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. 75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. ago I skydive and sometimes hear things like this around the drop zone: If your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to fix it. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. The 20 best one-liners ever. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. zwRI- referrerpolicy=origin target=_blank>See full list on parade. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. Funny one-liners 1. 90 Good Comebacks, Roasts & One. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. “What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles” – Unknown 3. One was assaulted. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long. Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers. The man says, Give me the bad news first, Doc. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. Mater is Latin for mother, since their primary function is to protect the central nervous system. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says Plethora. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. If youd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection of medical puns. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. Always borrow money from a pessimist. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Pack your stuff, theyre waiting. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. 20 View More Replies View more comments #3. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. 3) Whats a comedians least favorite drink? [Booze] I threw a boomerang a few years ago. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. 105 of the best short jokes and one. 1) “Have you ever noticed [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: theyre easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. - Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. Next: 75+ Funny What Do You Call Jokes. Report 158 points POST I just snorted my coffee. One liner tags: people, puns. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. He approaches the dead mans wife, and asks if he could say a word. Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t walk into the. In this full special from Dry Bar Comedy, Geechy Guy lays d. He was so good, I don’t even care. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your. The barman says, Sorry we dont serve food in here. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. Report 227 points POST THIS IS HILARIOUS 22 View more comments #2 Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. What was Moses wife, Zipphora, known. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Funny Jokes About Friday. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Theyre both Paris sites. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. “May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. Please continue while I take notes. Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny >100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. The 20 best one-liners ever. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. Spend $500, Get $200 Fast With This Top Card. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank… I have no words to describe how angry I am. Extremely Funny One Liners – Best One Liner Jokes in 2023. What are some of the best one liners you have ever heard? Try these on for size: a collection of our favorite gags from some of the worlds greatest comedians. 80 Hilariously Funny Jokes 2023. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. One liner tags: puns. I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line. (… Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. 135 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. One liner tags: blonde, death, sarcastic, time 85. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. 101 Good, Clean Jokes Thatll Make You Laugh. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. They’re also a great way to get a chuckle out of kids. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Which day do potatoes fear the most? Fry-days. Outrageously Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. The 20 best one-liners ever. Some comedians use one-liners as a basis for their comedic method. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now. However, it was Groucho Marx who became the reigning king of comedy in the 1940s. Friday is my 3rd best F-word after food and f…! Next: 69 Wine Jokes to Unwind Your Day. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants! I poured root beer in a square glass. And you dont have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. With well over 100 responses submitted, we narrowed the list down to 42 of. I just got my doctors test results and Im really upset about it. “Caddie told me it was a 5 iron to clear the water on a par 3, I. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. ” Tommy Cooper “I was married by a judge. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!>150 Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. ” Tom Ward (2015) “I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just. ] 2) “I threw a boomerang a few years ago. com%2f1040121%2fmarynliles%2fone-liners%2f/RK=2/RS=ULUGahZ5t51fcFDAaZBsM3. Relationships are a lot like algebra. And, to use as few words as possible and still. 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Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. Aug 22, 2022. Lets be honest, Im not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles - Unknown 3. 109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Irreverent and honest, this one pickup line will get you a laugh when you deliver it right. If women were boogers, Id pick you first. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit>What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. That way, when I do criticize him, Im a mile away and I have his shoes. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger each second; then it hit me! 33. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. My friend said: “You have a BA, a. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. Don Baird / Getty Images Advertisement 2. 25 Of The Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes. ” Groucho Marx “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. Funniest One Liners Ever HeardWith jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. But dont worry, it is at the bottom of the things I want to do. Two peanuts went walking down the street. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize that youre an expert on my life and how I should live it. Rodney Dangerfield nailed it. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter. It is confirmed that taller people sleep longer. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. One liners are great. They asked me to follow my dreams. [sobbing] I dont have any goddamn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!. Thorax: A Dr. I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass. Moreover, they can always help you avoid silly moments of silence when youre with your friends. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. He was known for double meanings embedded in. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a. I had a dream about being a muffler. My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it. They often get worked up and dive into silly topics, but this one point of view that Wayne felt the need to mention is particularly memorable. 45 Funny Christian Jokes Canva/Parade 1. Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, Im not going to go spreading it!. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. 42 of the funniest lines you’ve heard on the golf course. ] 2) I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I went back to sleep right away. Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. 145 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. The 20 best one-liners ever. Kids These Days Have you played the updated kids game? I Spy. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side. 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Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life>109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, my love. This one is so bad you just have to laugh at it. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. com/_ylt=AwrFNKTruFZk8mIogqtXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Ny/RV=2/RE=1683433836/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fparade. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help But Laugh At. The cops have nothing to go on. A man is at the funeral of an old friend. Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. I failed math so many times at school, I cant even count. Always remember that youre unique, just like everyone else. Dad comes to his son and tells him hes adopted. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds My phone will ring at 2am and my wifell look at me and go, Whos that calling at this time? I say, I dont know. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?. Best One Liners Ever With these best one liners ever, you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena. Thats when I knew we werent gonna work out. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. The doctor says, Youve got a rare form of cancer. So a few years go my friend got viral meningitis, a swelling of the meninges that can easily kill you. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. Extremely Funny One Liners. Game-Changer for Americans in. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. Youll have trouble putting on your pants. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. Funny one-liners take a sophisticated observation about life or language and reframe it as a slyly “dumb” joke whose full comic power hits only after your brain unpacks it. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it was only a Thursday. I should have asked for a jury. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it. ” 3) “What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink? [Booze]” I threw a boomerang a few years ago. You Can’t Help but Laugh At>175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. Why did Friday work out? It was a weak day for him. The wife smiles, and says Thank you, that means a lot. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. He was known for double meanings embedded in his one-liners, along with his ever-present cigar, prominent eyebrows, and glasses. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints. 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. Hell be following me around like, Jack me off! Jack me off! You did it once! Do it yourself. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. — ciprex 02 of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #120 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. The most one-liner jokes youll ever hear in a full comedy special might just be from Geechy Guy. 101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains. She got her looks from her father. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. Funniest One Liners Ever Heard. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. I was involved in very organised crime.